Everything feels forced, it feels strained, it just doesn't flow freely , d feeling, d conversations, it just feels like he is trying not 2 say somethings.. Like i am choking him up with my love, how can i tell a guy that i love him nd he just says tnk u, how can i tell a guy that i love that my birthday is next month nd he just says in addy, just asks how old i will be?? Nd that's all?? I don't want to compare but even d worse of my relationship had a better communication, i like been active with my partner, i like 2 argue nd play nd forge unnecessary fights and them we make up, nd love each other more, sometimes i don't feel like sending him anymore messages, because i don't want to feel disappointed with his one syllable answer, i asked him if he wants me 2 leave him alone, he answered with just a syllable, saying " he didn't say so", whatever i say gets a syllable answer, like when i asked him y he doesn't like chatting with me nd that d whole relationship thing feels forced, he only said"babe its because i am far", i told him d distance doesnt matter, after all i waited 4 almost 2yrs for Sirlem, what matters is d connection nd i dont feel like he feels me d way i am feeling him, nd it got me asking, if he were near, would it have been like this?? Or would it have been any different?? Would it have been just mainly sexual with no emotional connection?? Yesterday i sent him a message, he didn't reply that was around 8:15, after d message i still sent a goodnight message b4 i slept around 11:45, i even said in words that i loved him, i waited till around 1:20am to get a reply but there was none,i fell asleep waiting.. He replied me around some minutes after 9am, it then dawned on me that he went clubbing last night, he replied me with" I love. You too babe" yet i hated d sentence because he said it, i mean i was supposed 2 b happy right?? D man i loved soo much said he loved me, but d whole reply still felt forced, saying i love u with a full stop at the love means what?? Does he even mean it?? I wish i really know how he feels, God knows i really want him not just now but forever, but can i really b with a guy that clubs hard?? That smokes, that know girls more beautiful nd sexy and sophisticated,someone that truly accepts him d way he is without judging?? He is an hotelier, 4 goodness sake, what was i expecting?? A guy that can casually ask his so called girlfriends for Nudes, those he do that often?? How many girls sends him nudes in a day?? Those he see sending nudes as norms or he just does it 4 fun?? Can i cope?? Does he even c all those girls doing that in his future?? What those he do with those nudes?? My heart broke when asked me do that 4 him, me that don't stand looking at my nude self 4 long in a mirror take more of taking a picture of me naked and sending it 2 a guy.. M not sure i may ever b able 2 do that... Yet i felt petty because i couldn't do it 4 him, m just so introvert and him so extrovert, nd m bothering myself 2 much about him, i am 23yrs old, i need to get my priorities straight and stop thinking too much about a guy that doesn't see a future with me or any one in the next 5 to 6 to 7years time, but then saying it thoesnt make it happen right?? I wokeup this morning with an uncontrollable urge to kiss someone, to cuddle, to hold someone that loves nd values me, then Chime chatted me up, I talked to him, nd i asked if he would b around, i wanted to Kiss him, but i think after i asked that question nd he said he was going for a training, i got back 2 my senses, i just wanted to be with someone that wanted to be with me, i posted my picture saying "Hope ya day went well, goodnight from someone's girlfriend" when he saw it, he commented "My baby".. I like it when he calls me that, i actually miss him calling me that, one of d reasons i love him so much.. I wish he was just a simple regular guy that loves me like Chime,but wishes don't always come through right?? That's y they are always called wishes.. And again i wonder why girls don't fall in love with this simple regular guys but with the complicated reckless, care free macho kind of kind guy?? Life would have been easy if d heart was not always stupid nd listened to reasons.
I just need a free, fun, simple vanilla kind of love, a free flowing kind of love
